Ejaculation Control kills Intimacy!

Walking the tantric path for years now, I have been blessed by many amazing discoveries, experiences and understandings in the last years. The path is to learn and unlearn!

One of the corner stone of my practice have been Brahmacharya, often reduced to “sexual continence”, or non ejaculatory sex. I will not go now into details, but it is like believing that driving a car is all about “where are the accelerator and the breaks?”!

The problem of many men is that the ejaculation becomes the goal of the sex.

This obsession for «the release» is for many the cause of premature ejaculation or at the other end, the cause of being performing, meaning being absent, instead of being connected!

Along with spiritual purpose and cultivating my energy, this was one of the argument for me to train in ejaculation control.

So i started training myself into Non ejaculatory sexuality. At first, it was all about control! Will power and determination: just don’t go there! 

Playing with self pleasuring, edging, sublimation tools, breathing patterns, ….

After few years, my sexuality became much more open and free: lasting longer, able to sublime my energies while love making, at least until a certain point. Feeling more confident, enjoying new kinds of orgasms, breaking taboos and discovering my free sexuality.

Ejaculation control made me «control»! For that, i needed to be stronger, more focus, more tense… more ego!

This would definitively makes me last much longer, but i wondered:

how much pleasure can i really feel in that tension/control?

how much can i feel my partner in that control?

Tension is good to build up but not to feel!

«Reaching the Edge»

It is this moment when i build up so much energy that i am like on a sharp edge where i am facing a choice: keep the control or let it go! Induced idea that letting go means ejaculating.

To keep the control requires a certain effort, a subtle inner tension that would allow me to go on and on for hours, but this tension have a price: more tension, less feeling! The pleasure become somehow a mind pleasure for being «such a great lover», for holding that space, but not that much from my body.

For years, as a good practitioner of Brahmacharya (ejaculation control), i kept control!

But after repeating the experience again and again, i felt like something was not right, almost bored. 

Even if i had much more pleasure than before, i was feeling like: «i miss the point».

«Riding the wave» 

After years of control, i decided to let it go!

At fist, it felt very loose… ejaculating way quicker, feeling like i lost any control… which i did!

I felt shit for a while but couldn’t resolve to get back to control!!

So i came up with my own version of ejaculation control but without the control!

I called it  «Ejaculation Consciousness», which i made into a program afterward.

It is not about ejaculation or non ejaculation.

It is making love, not thinking about (no) ejaculation and instead, being connected.

I learned how to reach this edge and then… let go! Allow myself to loose myself in that ecstatic moment where the energies are at a climax. Letting go not meaning ejaculating, no, letting go meaning letting go of the control, letting go of the tension, letting go of Sebastien!

What makes a good lover is the same thing that what makes you a good human: it is the connection to the Self and to others!

And the funny part is that not thinking about (non) ejaculation and being connected is the best way to not ejaculate and really enjoy love making!!!!!

I believe that one gets the most benefits of learning to control when he can finally let go of it!

So, when well done, the concept of ejaculation control may be very useful; But it cannot be a goal as it is only a part of the way, not the destination. 

The goal of «ejaculation consciouness» is to be able to let go the control and the (non)desire to ejaculate!