The Still and the Storm

Yesterday I had such an amazing time with my partner Laura! … followed by beautiful insights and widening of consciousness! When sex and spiritual becomes lovers!

It started with a worshiping of her yoni by my breath, on our lips, rising in energy and intensity until I got totally drunk from her exquisite nectar.

Then I moved on top of her and keep ravishing her. 

I was feeling very so confident, present, strong! 

It lasted a while, until the rising of the rejected feeling: “oh, I’m too close from ejaculation!” When I feel that I am not able to sublime fast enough compare to the amount of energy moved.

Often, when this though arrives, I kind of lose a bit of presence and reinforce the control instead. I have to say that it doesn’t work that much. It is actually counter productive as the simple though of it is what’s gonna make it happen! But I’ll think on writing another post for this specific topic!

Anyway, this is when I told myself that it was time to slow down, maybe even think on stopping for a while. So did I! I slowed down until stop, breath, relax… I rejoiced my feelings, waves of pleasure…

But something in me was still longing, no, craving for more! My body started to move again, to push and pull, strongly, deeply and intensely! I was surprised! I didn’t meant to, it did it by itself, like possessed.  This until the unwanted though/feeling of ejaculation came again…. So I slowed down and tell her that we must take a break! I breathe, watch myself… I feel surprisingly very relaxed and quiet, detached but present.

Spasms, shivering of the spine, fireworks in the brain… I am a loving witness of all that dance.

Few seconds later, my body started again by itself! “I want more, deeper, stronger” And stop! And again! And so on…

It kept going like this for a long while. Motion – Stillness – Motion – Stillness…

During the whole process, I could witness myself more and more, bringing awareness within the trance. It’s like the Stillness in the eye of the tornado!

Imperturbable presence, extended awareness…

Like if the time extended and I could perceive any single detail, move, smell, energy. Almost a slow motion effect! Being aware of the whole space around, from every angle. Immobility, silence and love.

At the same time, my body was raging into a storm, moving, bending, shaking, ravishing and being ravished! But it was not a chaotic motion, no, it was performing a divine choreography for the ultimate witness.

During all this, my partner was physically still, relaxed, surrendering!  Though she was not moving, my moves where hers too! It was our dance expressed: the Still in the Storm. I was not having any personality or identity left, I was the motion itself! No control anymore. At contrary! A complete letting go allowing the body to become the perfect tool to play this music and dance along this divine choreography.  Actually, at this point there was no much more differentiation of the 2 bodies. I was both of them! And I was the witness of all! That was a blessing 

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From my experience, I can see 2 principal ways to go into deep spiritual orgasms. One could name them as masculine and feminine, I agree if we don’t assimilate that to a gender. Those to polar door are:

- the provider, giving, holding space, the stillness in motion. Said masculine. My body being a beast raging and storming But being at the same time an absolute witness. Feeling like a God, omnipotent and omniscient. Rejoicing watching this perfect dance!

- the total surrender, receiving, being held, explosion from stillness. Said feminine. My body being ravished. The total non resistance, surrendering, leading to an explosion of feelings and sensations. 

An avalanche of pleasures beyond senses! Like a God being worshipped, rejoicing the gift of this dance!

The raging beast in my body and the surrendered stillness of her. The stillness, absolute presence of my inner gaze with her ever expansive creative flow… Vice et versa

There is such a beautiful, amazing intercrossing of polarities during the sexual dance! Both partners embodying Shiva and Shakti, in a dance of polarities at every level, from the most raw shapes until the most refined and subtle vibrations.

Who is Shiva and who is Shakti? 

In such a dance, there is no more me and her, there is only the dance and its witness….  The lover and the Beloved become Love itself!